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Friday, September 25, 2009

DARRRR KE AAGEY JEET HAI!!!



In this era of mechanisation, one thing that still makes Us superior to the metal beings (bots) is The Human Emotion Stuff..and the strongest among these emotions is FEAR..FEAR ( Fucked Experiencing Act Response)...Thru d tongue of science its d release of some bloody chemicals...which turns heart into a leaping toad, lungs into convulsive maniacs, body skin into a Bisleri plant, over and above a 'fatt gyi' feeling. This natural instinct was probably set by god to promote our survival ..or we would b frens with dinasaurs and their existing relatives..OR... for its own survival.. for d devils, demons, satans wouldn bother humans enough to have angels!!

Dr. Weiss in his famous book- 'Many Lives Many Masters' expresses FEAR as imprints of mishaps in earlier lives of a soul...claiming authenticity to which Sharukh Khan found himself pyrophobic in a bollywood flick 'Om Shanti Om'...bt among the list of hundreds of phobias...many are just ridiculous enough to support the above theory... Lets have look on some of these-


  • CATaFORMaphobia-- well this is just a new phobia developed days back...a phobia of CAT forms...its about losing all ur senses at once and panicking for nothing...victims to this are cat aspirants...very strange responses are seen...notification of the cat forms in itself brought it to surface..a friend of mine who was preparing for the exam for atleast one yr comes totally flabbergasted, nervous, excited, dreaded,dumbfounded, high on her heels with her eyeballs struggling with her eye sockets and her both hands faning above her chest ..to make the divine revelation to her friends—'CAT kaaaaaaa formmmmmm reliiiiizzzze ho gya!!!!!'...haan toh theek hai madam...nahi hona tha kya?? ...this is wat u r preparing for..haina??? Just transformation of PBT format to CBT format gives shivers n shudders to future Indian managers nationwide...axis bank branches are like ration shops in drought hit areas...(Link) stampede, violence, tamaasha was all there for the fear of missing hot slots...first iims lacking a vision of the probable problems then comes media..to add to this, papers nationwide daily hitting panic- ‘Jara Si Asaavdhani Aurr...(arrey dimaag mt laga..wo nhi....ipill ki adv ni thi) 1400 rupaye paani mein....(cat vouchers for 1400/-) ....an error at click bars ur way to iims...amidst this some budhijeevs come up racking their brains to master the iims...with thoughts of multiple attendance buying different vouchers and applying for the best...others find a fear in that also to lose ranks to such crooks...are v all so dumb?? Or do v think iims wd present themselves before us as jumbo packs of stupidity...kya bhgwan! inko kuchh akal to de deta!!
  • KoKophobia- this is a conditioned phobia that dates generations back...victims are small children...evn I was wen I was a kid..Koko is something invisible, omnipresent, demonic and the sole reason for its existence is to take away our dear things...our toys, chocolates, candies, mama papa's personals(read- makeup items,mobile phones)..rather anything my mamma warned me not to play with was soon taken by koko... and This Koko doesn’t evn mind taking u too... if u don finish ur milk bottle in time, don like green veggies, don knw how to behave..and all... yaar koi koko ko le jaao..
  • Catagelophobia - a ridiculous phobia...a phobia of being called a pyjama or dhakkan..may god bless its victims with an elastic/ container... whatever..
  • Coprastasophobia- This is a temporary phobia...victim could b anybody subjected to previous night circumstances...m recollecting a sms joke..santa went to a party and stuffed himself with no. of naans...nxt day sittin in loo and praying--- rabba!! Ya toh naan nikal de, ya toh jaan nikal de... :) so now its quite identifiable..haina!!..its d fear of constipation :)
  • Dishabiliophobia- Fear of undressing in front of someone...this is a phobia thats rather losing its grip on people these days and some who have totally overpowered this fear are Mallika Sherawat, Kate winslet, madam Jolie....many youngsters don knw much of their own bodies then they do of Kate’s...( extending on this may put some of u low on comfort..so I end up here..)
  • Bathophobia ( a revised ablutophobia) – this phobia preys on hostellers especially boys...a hectic schedule, late night assignments (i hate this engineering), early classes leaving hardly any time for shower, ultra clean washrooms, never ending water supply and not to forget sexy DEOs help u a lot to identify with this fear...
  • Femophobia- ohh so u r a man of adventure.....speeding, bunjee jumping , roller costers, diving don’t increase ur pulse count...bt approaching a gal for date without wrecking ur nerves and those anxiety attacks is some thing next to impossible...i wish gals were a bit more sweeter n not such horror shows..
  • Oilophobia- a side branch of obesophobia...how many a time hav u thought of a girl for a snack time...bt to ur utter surprise u r hit by..‘ My god!! Kitna oiiiiiil hai’...this phobia is as rampant as ‘shaitan ki aant’...n if that oil by some miracle find way to their under throat...u cant escape that ‘mein motti lg rhi hu’ expression on their face every ten mins...
  • Bewajhafaltuphobia-- this phobia is seen in aged aunties and grannies..some mild convulsions of their eyes or hands or legs or anything they hav a got a list of ...excites their creative nerve and they are in imaginations and anticipations of ‘kuchh buraa hone wala hai’...and they are panicking like hell...and no... nothing wd ever pacify the matter, could ,rather,worsen if u tried to b smart bt ur full agreement, acceptance and followin the need of hour...
  • Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia- Fear of the number 666- if u happen to b hexakosioihexekontahexaphobic I suggest u not to look at address bar of this blog or just get lost before u get those anxiety attacks...
Wonder if this fear disappears totally..the world will take a totally differnt shade.....
9/11, 26/11 wont b any spcl dates...... ghosts, atmaas, chudails, saayas will die another death....
.....polymers -'d be put them to better use then just to make contraceptives........gabbar wont serve the sleeping pill tool by mothers....amusement parks with roller costers, ferris wheels deserted......kabristans wd serve cricket grounds for children......producers of draculas n mummys will starve to death.....adrenaline glands will turn vestigial organs...... bullying bosses will come up with humble requests( read- folded hands).....jyotishis n babas wd pack up their bags.......no more stunt manias, jungle se bachao fuss, fear factor drama.....bodyguards displaced by butiful female escorts......interviews ohh just kidding time... bungee jumping, rock climbing wont b anymore adventures......mountain dew wd need a new tagline..lock ups serving as sasuraals... chooha and billi lovers n soon either wd suffer extinction...death toll for humans wd b on all time high...Important thing is to some extent it is a necessity for survival... BUTT

Darrr ki 'Bhains Ki Taang' or 'Maa Ki Aankh' (d one u r more comfrtable with)...
.........Get a sip of Mountain Dew ...Darr Ke Aagey Jeet Hai !!!

6 comments:

Ekam said...

I am cataformaphobic. For me, its "Result aaaa gayaaaa kyaaa .. noooo!!! "
What a post!I loved it. Keep them coming more frequently. I was constantly laughing reading your post:D

vishal jindal said...

Thank u so much Ekam for ur kind words...i ll try to keep them coming up..:D

Vishnu said...

i liked the first para very much.. full form of fear was good.. 9/11 26/11 would not be special dates.. bungee jumping wont be an adventure.. nice write.. all those phobias very informative..

vishal jindal said...

Thanku so much Vishnu..
keep visiting :)

Salil said...

gr8 dude...it ws incredible .....n i liked the koko thing most ...it ws hilarious .....:)

vishal jindal said...

@ salil
thanks dude..its nice to know that someone takes time to read my gibberish and likes it..