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Friday, December 25, 2009

ALL IZZ WELL

Just like space and time, may be the whole materialistic domain is relativistic or probably, merely an illusion. It’s just that the individual human intelligence or actions are like those random microscopic domains which even out at a broader level without affecting much the time travel projections through the actual frames of cosmic evolution. Probably, there is no absolute truth but mere pursuit of something closer and closer through various iterations as the aspect of being a human itself rules out the perfection. Still it is neither recommended nor desired to quit your duties in sloth under the cover of austerity. Indolence can never be ecstatic. It’s just a pseudo satisfaction enshrouding deep guilt within. But neither is that compulsive need to be on your toes all the time, justified. What’s use of taking life so seriously that one loses the beauty of ingenuousness, craziness, acceptance, fun, smiles and above all life itself..

So on this festive occasion of Christmas... Let’s all ease of our pressure and say-

‘ALL IZZ WELL’

Let the sand lose the clenched fist

Let yourself find craziness for a romantic tryst

Let your watch slip the ticks of time

Let your blaring thoughts switch to silent mime

Let all your tensions melt away

Let new rays of hope arise and light your way

Let your ego go blunter

Let a new spirit of enthu’ turn your life’s punter

Let your innocence give way to smile

Let your dreams and imaginations walk an extra mile

Let emotions rule and bots trail

Let the simplicity, ingenuity and beauty prevail

Let acceptance, forgiveness, happiness ring your bell

Let’s forget everything for a moment and say All Izz Well...

I wish all my blog readers lots of love, peace and happiness... Merry Christmas!


- krazy idiot

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

JAI MANGLU BABA

Digest: This post is a writer's humorous take on one of news headlines in 'Times of India' - /It's official now: Ministers' relatives and companions can avail free air travel/. The post is written in Hinglish with a reference of some hypothetical 'Manglu Baba' to enhance the humor effect. A contemporary hindi television watcher can better enjoy the post.



How is ‘A’ related to ‘D’ type long link relationship questions in the analytical reasoning section of those aptitude tests get on my nerves as like me, English also doesn’t have much respect and sense of human societal relationships. Saala ek ‘aunty’ title ke under all small middle large packs of chachi, taayi, bua , mami, mausi, friend ki mummy, mummy ki friend sb cover ho jata hai..!!

Who says these societal relationships are worth their weight in dust??..Arrey hum se puchho, inki keemat...Thanks to these relations only – ‘aaj langoor ke haath angoor hainJ

The day is still fresh in my mind, jab meine ‘manglu baba’ ke ashram me (kya??? Manglu baba ko nahi jantey?? Go get a fist of water, and choke urself by diving in it...Manglu baba, paraanthey wali gali se jo purani haveli dikhti hai, uske pichhwarey me rehtey hain! DUBARA MAT PUCHHNA) mannat maangi thi ke jis din mujhe plane me udne ka chance milega, usi din nangey paaon unke ashram ke pichhwade jakar , mombatti jalaunga, nariyal forunga aur baba ke charity box me purey 11 rupaye chadaunga!!

Mere barson ki tapasya has shown come to colors.... ‘manglu baba’ ne meri sun li...unke ghar me der hai pr andher nahi... (manglu baba ka Prasad- a times of india link) ... meri mausi ki behan ki saas ke bete ke chachey ke bhatijey ke cousin ki saali ki nanad ke husband ke dost ke father minister hain... and guess what!! ab toh hum b plane waley ho gye hain!! And this time, I am gonna ‘mannat’ for a private chopper...!!

Do u knw, what was the reason for my last break up?? Kya? Mein Brahman ka ladka hu aur wo kayasth ki beti?? Crap! Arrey ni wo khabar pakki nahi hai...asali baat to ye thi ...ki meri girlfriend ke dusre boyfriend ke pass ‘karizma’ thi aur mere pas ‘90’ model bajaj chetak jo petrol se jyada dhakkey se chalta hai...( I always told her how fuel efficient it was...bt usmey itni samajh hoti toh meri sath hi kyn hoti :P).. But now she wd realize her mistake...mere sath hoti toh aj plane me jati..

Paise uske pitaaji ki tax pocket se jaayenge aur yahan mein aur meri girlfriend plane udayengey :))


- krazy idiot

Monday, December 21, 2009

Ctrl + Z

Digest: The writer after messing up a big time desperately wishes for some power to rewind time a few minutes back or to undo the last done activity just the way he uses 'control + Z' function on his laptop.


Is there anyone of u, who has never ever thought of undoing a particular moment of time to change its code and let it evolve into a different present?? Or in other words, have u never wished for a ‘Ctrl + Z’ function in your life???

It occurs to all of us indiscriminately for things ranging from anything in or beyond our control like after accidental formatting of some important files, some road accident, a messed up exam, missed flights/trains, some burnt out dish, some watered important papers, a prank that got serious, addiction, finding ur break up mate with someone else, a night of sudden rush of emotions, some unwilled crime and the list never ends.

Probably it’s not the feeling itself but the after reaction that accounts to distinct human nature and hundreds of psychological terms. Here comes, the locus of control, which may find some ‘externals’ to stick to ‘everything happens for good’ philosophy and overcome or ‘why just everything bad happens to me’ types to shatter; and the ‘internals’ to get totally blown up or the poised beings to hold their composure.

Then comes humanities deepest quests of cosmic evolution; if the things are evolving like systematic unrolling of a tangled thread, a regular evolution or is it like free one as that of a Brazilian butterfly flapping its wings to bring tornadoes in Texas? Well chaos theory seems much plausible.

But can anyone change the initial parameters at present, let’s say with some deep concentrated thought, to lead to a different future? And not just to different but to best future? Lets peek into Eric Bress and J. Mackye Gruber directed ‘The Butterfly Effect’ in which the protagonist Ashton Kutcher with the ability of undoing his past events, even after trying his best to provide best circumstances to his dear ones never leads a perfect situation and rather finds harming them in a way or other even losing his girl ‘Amy Smart’ at the end of movie.

Probably, it’s the Anthropic principle which holds the things at broader level; And for personal level, there is no best situation but just favorable and unfavorable circumstances which can be handled skillfully. For let’s take the case of some addiction be it smoking. Most of cases arise due to peer pressure in hope of looking cool or matured or sometimes the simple argument is to be a man!!! Now that’s something gross, if 17-18 yrs of holding that manly thing under your pants couldn’t tell you who you are; Do you think a cigarette butt would?? Don’t befool yourself..

-krazy idiot

Thursday, December 17, 2009

X PORN

Its quite long that i have updated my blog. Though ideas and thoughts, as usual, kept haunting my mind, it was a bit difficult to take time to process them into full fledged posts. As now, i have concluded my project semester and the like stuff that took me involved, i am putting lots of those into one post. One more thing, the page is redirected and i want my blogger buddies to shift to this and join this.

For the blogger buddies, who have come here with the sole intent of finding some kinky stuff to satiate their deviant tastes, i announce beforehand that the title is a little bit of dupery and the title 'X PORN' stands for '10 Personalities Outspeaking Repulsive Notions'. :)

Although there are lots of such people, lets take some of those of India's concerns.


Barkha Dutt : The tough woman, u might have got a chance to catch sometime through ‘the third eye’ column of ‘The Hindustan Times’ or the NDTV talk show ‘We The People’ or some news bulletin, if nothing else, atleast through her projections in ‘Romilla Dutta’ a war news reporter wearing a cropped haircut played by actress Preity Zinta in bollywood flick ‘Lakshay’. The lady, who has ever shown her enthusiasm at its full swing bringing every tragic event be it Kargil war, Tsunami or the 26/11 mumbai attack right before ur eyes in ur home in as detailed way as possible, abusing every rule of ethical journalism, jeopardizing many a live and helping terrorists in every which way, inviting a great deal of harsh criticism from Indian Navy, government officials on media, information ministry and bloggers community. The worst part was that, instead of accepting her mistake, she was found suing Chaitanya Kunte, a blogger condemning her irresponsible behavior.


Arindam Chaudhary : Recall the full colored page advertisements highlighting ‘ Dare to think beyond IIMs’. Yes m talking of that very daring guy with claims taller than Burj Dubai, a graduate and dean of his family institute IIPM, an institute which is self proposed to be the best B school in India with some facilities which no indian school can ever dream of providing and not to forget free laptops and foreign tours to its students over and above the best placements ever!!??!!??..!! The claims were challenged by many a parties like jammags and other and were falsified in every which way. Leaving it aside, the guy has fully expressed himself and his every new conceived notion of his mind ranging from anything to every thing ( even free counseling and advices for what movies should u watch!!!) through his paid full page advertisements in various national dailies.


Ajmal Amir Kasab : Meet the special guy, the lone surviving 26/11 terrorist, who is living at an expense of Rs. 8.5 laks a day by Maharashtra government accounting to more than 32 crores so far ( a Times of India report). The 2008 mumbai massacre prime accuse is a very hard-to-please guy and demands luxury treatment. Don’t get blown-up by his demands. Demands are very simple n placative like mutton biryani n basmati rice for his food, perfume for fighting his bad body odour, toothpastes for his happydent smile, urdu newspaper (which one?) and stroll outside the cell for fresh air. Don’t u appease him and he gets wild with rage and abuses the jail staff.


Russell Peters : The Anglo-Indian descent, a Canadian stand up comic. Get some of his videos on youtube and u ll come to know how racially charged dumb ass he is!! Man, he has got springs all over his body to make those ridiculous expressions just to utter complete crap about Indians. I would be entertained if he had any healthy comedy stuff be it against Indians, but most of the time its so cheap stuff to get cheap American laughs!! The funny part is yet to come, INDIANS! yes, some of my Indian friends are more than happy to buy his over expensive tickets just to listen to how cheap Indians are!

U call it modesty! I call it stupidity.


Sameer Barua: Prof. Barua, director IIM A announces ‘IIMs have decided to continue with computer-based test for 2009. We also look forward to continue the CAT through computer-based testing in future’. CAT, one of the most coveted exams in India, was marred by technical glitches, mismanagement, unfair advantages, cheating cases, question leakages, server breakdown and bla-bla, this year. CAT was conducted online, first time in its history for 2.41 lakh candidates across the country. IIMs should definitely be praised for this innovative step. Conducting paper- pencil based test for such a large no. of students was getting very tough for the institutes as it leaves professors at IIMs busy for weeks taking care of printed papers for security purposes. And conducting a retest is not at all easy task and could cause a lot of mayhem and changes in academic schedule. But seeing all the disaster, the action taken cant be justified on any basis. As in a country, where IIMs are no less than religious institutes and exams like CAT, JEE are held sacred, determining future of large section of student community, taking such a action that too when the IIMs are internally divided (all iim faculties including directors except directors iim a/b are demanding a retest to maintain integrity of test and restore student faith in the exam. The egoistic Barua, tells director IIM C to conduct his own test if he doesn go his accord!!) is condemned in every which way.


Raj Thakrey: I really don’t find words to say about this superhero. Before my blood blast off my veins, I prefer to keep mum and quit.

Mayawati: A self proclaimed ‘zinda devi’- living goddess. This devi is my favorite. I have already made her references in my earlier posts. The goddess who, sometimes back, was engaged in making the land of UP a heaven by beautiful gardens and all, now wanted its trifurcation for its better development. Need I say more?


Shabana Azmi : A film actress , a social activist, a former MP and a muslim (as she introduces herself), has ever spoken out her mind very frankly and openly. Though she sounds a bit rational sometimes but the lady really loses her way in flow. The lady who suddenly came to realize sometime back what her religion is, finds herself throwing various statements concerning muslims and islam. But the lady had to take the rebuke from her own community in the ‘veil controversy’ and was told to mind her business. Last year it occurred to the same lady to state that ‘Indian democracy is unfair to muslims and despite Indian secularism muslims are discriminated against'. This was something really gross and incomprehensible, that too when the country had seen a muslim president and when the prime minister of the nation- Dr. Manmohan Singh- announces that the minorities especially muslims must have first claim on resources (although a cheap political stunt for vote bank). For her statements of she not getting a flat, she should come to know that its not the fault of Indian democracy but her community, which makes itself less adaptable anywhere due to its preconceived notions.


Bajrang Dal: This goes for all be it Ram sene, shiv sena , bajrang dal, VHP or anyother self proclaimed guardian of our Indian culture. Who gives right to such fools to define and design our culture?? What do they know of our culture?? Do you think India, a land changing its color every 100 km in every respect be it religion, language, style, dress, festival, foods etc sticks to a culture defined by these fundamentalists. I don’t think ancient Indians who had such a high hold on spiritual science would find sex to be something petty and repulsive. This pious activity should be cherished and celebrated. I suppose there have always been enough negative elements in the society to modify our culture to suit their own. And a section of society is always docile enough to take anything from such overcharged fools.


Guess what : Who is last of these X pornstars??? No, not Shah Rukh Khan, Its I, the krazy idiot...after all I too speak a lot of nonsense all the time. Haina??

-krazy idiot

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Placement Probability

How fast the time passes!! Time is the most relativistic thing I have seen, felt so far. No, I am not talking of the Lorentz equations or Einstein’s fancies. But the thing that how time for me changes its speed in such a consistent random fashion every few frames that too when I am standing supposedly constant in space with zero velocity.

Sprawling out in my chair, gesturing at the ceiling with my neck supported on its back, eyes rolled upwards and feeling the weight of joblessness, I was wondering how the time passes! Just a month more, and am gonna conclude my project semester, finally ingressing the final semester. Days back, college life started when things were on high, admissions, dreams, smiles. Times, my institute flaunting itself as the 9th best technical institute across the nation. Soon the mismatch was so obvious and it was displaced 5 positions down to 14th best by another survey. Whatever! Doesn’t matter now. Times, carrying the would-be chemical engineering tag. You tell people that you are doing something called chemical engineering and not the computers or electronics, what they think engineering is all about, and see the expression of their contorted faces, just to wonder what crime you have committed. Then times, when there was some air of recession thing all around. Before I cud understand much of what it was, it was over. But hints were tapped to back of my mind, what it could mean. Something was constantly reminding me of the Murphy ‘s Law.

Murphy’s Law- ‘Whatever can go wrong will go wrong and at the worst possible time’.

So if there is a possibility of me being left jobless in this hour of need, it will happen. :(

Can I deny its implications and mind myself a bit. No, the law feeds indirectly on one of the most beautiful sciences ‘Thermodynamics’. Yes, though it was not proposed in accordance with it but the one of the fundamental laws – the second law of thermodynamics supports it in a way or other. At least being a chemical engineer , I am supposed to be reverent to it. :)

So, lets see what the law tells me about my placements. For that I have to turn to Mr. Joel Pel, to use his equation for the moment -

PM – probability of being jobless, KM - Murph's constant equal to 1, the importance of the event (I), the complexity of the system involved (C), the urgency of the need for the system to work (U) and the frequency the­ system is used (F). ( all on scale of 10). FM is Murphy’s factor, a very small number that can only be calculated on a 386-computer running Windows 3.1. Here we will approximate it by FM ≈ 0.01.

Now I = 8 ( arrey yar, for this I have spent these 4 yrs.)

C = 9 ( justified- cgpa, resume, aptitude test, technical test, technical interview, HR interview..)

U = 8 (ofcourse, its this urgentt)

F= 1 ( check it for one dream company)

PM comes out to be 1. So the placement is impossible in hour of need. How true! So the seventh semester has sort of passed with it. But hope the hour of need is over !!!

For now, I can stick to Franklin’s rule.

Franklin's Rule - Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he will not be disappointed.

-krazy idiot

Thursday, October 29, 2009

The holy mask 2

This post is sequel to The holy mask I

Given a positive charge q, can u measure accurately, the force experienced by it due to electric field generated by another charge lets say, Q?? Definitely not . The reason being the charge q, howsoever small, will alter the source distribution. The same way, to be a part of this cosmos and to know the divine truth or the ultimate cosmic truth is contradicted and prohibited.

So continuing with the previous post no mortal being ( angels) could provide you with absolute cosmic truth. Bible was not faxed from heaven but was written here on earth itself with the limits of human mind. Jesus , today has turned merely a politically fueled hype to control and influence. A documentary zeitgeist says talks much about its probable origin. Wondering Hinduism, one of the oldest religions, a religion confused in itself, u listen to its infinite stories( Born in a hindu family, I have listened lots of. My mum makes it sure that I get to those at every occasion) only to find one contradicting another logically or in its own way. They just tried to cook a story from anything to everything. Created gods of everything n for everybody, even special for specials like shudras or homosexuals. Yes u read it correct. Talk of quran , the holy book of islam, the book of do’s and don’ts , the book demanding unconditional obedience to its commands, the book holding the words of god which were specially and particularly revealed to the Mohammad (an illiterate guy who told its followers to dictate the millions by the sword; a pedophile who consummated his marriage with a 9 yr old) doesn make any sense to me.

No I don’t bear testimony to anything above said. Readers r not supposed to demand the claims to authenticity. My own history dates back to 21 yrs only and in no way I can assure u what happened 2100 yrs back or before. Its just what I have heard, what I have read, what I have interpreted. And in no way I want to offend anyone on any bases.

Just to hold my above statement, and to escape the wrath of religious zealots, political goons and sick mentality, I had tried my best to make my last post as polite as possible and indirect using some reference to mayawati. But my dear readers found it utter straggling and ridiculous. The purpose was just to show the fakeness of these figures. As u never know our future generations may find themselves kneeling in temples of Mayawati. (Why not , so do we have seen temples of bollywood actor amitabh bachan in west Bengal or of the father of nation ‘Mahatma Gandhi’ in orissa). For she may have a puran written proposing her story of virgin birth, a devi who walked on water or who cured people by touch or merely by sight, god only knows, what’s gonna happen.

It is the religion itself which has ever taught us that there is no god. Science in its every form proposes the simplicity, intangible and inexplicable beauty of god. Take the case of Thermodynamics, a beautiful science, in its interpretations proposes the divinity in such a beautiful way.

Strange but True.

-krazy idiot

Friday, October 23, 2009

The holy mask 1

Being a human I have always been kind of stupefied by the cosmic prank and the illusory world. Moreover, my mother land, a secular state by its constitution, a land of gods and goddesses, a potpourri of all religions, a state where freedom to religion, freedom to expression are fundamental rights, a land emblazoned all over with colors of festivals, rites, rituals, myths, religious places & religious riots; a Hindustan where everything important to man is sacred- revered, personified and assigned divine status be it the plants ,the trees , the fire, the water, the earth, the sky, the air, the mountain, the cows, the snakes, the birds, the food , the money, the power, the knowledge, the sun, the moon, the stars, the planets...anything n everything...u name it and v have it...; has added every bit to it...

What I have learnt so far is that life is something full of struggle and difficulties and my only solace is if I approach the feet of some divine messenger of god and devote n surrender myself completely before it. Then, by gods grace all my problems, my sorrows, my sufferings will be taken away by some supernatural action, making my life a soothing heavenly experience.

But where wd I find such being???
Oh! There are lots of, so much that all the inhabitants on earth can stick to one each taking as their favourite. God has sent them in a large no. time to time as -Ram, Krishna , Buddha, Adam , Mohammad, Isa, Nanak, Mahavir, 33 crore devtas of hindus, 1.24 lakh rasuls of islam, 10 gurus of sikkhism , 1000s of still more gurus, preachers, saints and babas .

But there are lots of gods, I am confused!!! how should I select one among them? Should I take the most famous god or the least famous god or the one with more no. of stories or the one with more miraculous life or more heroic deeds??? God help me!
No, u r wrong. God is only ONE. Every religion be it any proposes the same thing. None of the above divine beings called themselves as supreme but the son of god, the prophet of allah, the avatar of bhagwan. What I have learnt from religion is – The supreme power is forbidden to come to this land in its holy form so sends its messengers or angels in mortal forms. For the Ram and Krishna were avatars of lord Vishnu, who in turn goes in 'yognidra' to receive powers from the ultimate supreme. Trinity of gods are just three elements of supreme like GOD is for Generator, Operator, Destroyer. So have prophets talked of allah, Jesus of god and nanak of ekaunkar satnam–one supreme true god.

This concept only is enough to make the world a living hell. As it gives a lot of space for birth of gods messengers everyday. So whenever there is decay of righteousness so comes an angel, decends to save the mankind from the evil, the shaitan, the satan, the demon.

So the happy news is god has sent again an angel that too to the sacred land ‘INDIA’, its just that we were ignorant enough not to recognize it. But there is some ‘Tripathi’ in U.P who probably had done lots of ‘Jap Tap and Vrat’ in his previous births, that he is granted a vision to recognize it. Its only true devotees that get such chance. His vision and creativity has portrayed it in beautiful forms. Yes, its none other but devi Mayawati (C.M.- U.P). A future hindu goddess. I say a hindu goddess for reasons:

*Slot for a still new god is only available in this so difficult to comprehend, so confusing, so soft and still so soothing religion of Hinduism.

* Acceptance of female deity is only possibility with so tender religion of Hinduism.

* Her devotees have portrayed in best resemblance with hindu mythology.


In left pic, devi Maya is holding a flag probably symbolic of her dalit love, a baby elephant(elephant symbolic of her big tummy absorbing everything i mean evil), with a halo effect giving light to the state.
Sooner a mayawati puran will be written for the future generations, which would go something like Maya took birth on the godly land of ‘bharat’ (pls don ask me if it is virgin birth) and is the devi of dalits, the downtrodden. The goddess of downtrodden had a very aesthetic sense and tried her best to turn the land into a paradise by constructing beautiful memorial parks for its devotees. Where in idols of other divine beings were constructed to spread the message of god. For her love of justice, she suspended thousands of corrupt people from looting her divine land. She was the one to contribute a lot of wealth to her kingdom under the name of taxes. It was she only who saved her people from the satan- a pwd engineer. Lot of negative people were against her, but with power she killed those demonic forces or made them dumb forever.

God save us.

-krazy idiot

Monday, October 19, 2009

Frailty thy name is woman

O womankind! U r synonymous with frailty..

No the point is definitely not that u cant win over a grappling session with a man nor is the point that u cant take the same count of stones over ur head a man can..for that’s not ur weakness, that fragility is ur strength , that delicacy is ur beauty, something v love u for. . no m not pointing to that affectional , nurturing, caring, schmaltzy nature of urs coz that compassion is ur purity...it was u who proved its mettle before god to hold the divine responsibility of conceiving the mankind.. JAI HO !!!

But ur debility owes to the meekness, the docility u r blessed with, the indecisivenessthat holds u, the fickleness u r composed of , the bitchingg that turns ur bliss, the infirmity u stand on..

For why cant u give urself a break putting all ur mind to emulate every masculine activity just to flaunt parallelity with him..... why cant u tame urself when u turn ‘EVE’ and resist eating that forbidden apple... why cant u think ur own mind and need a male to take ur every decision when u turn ‘Ophelia’ (a shakespearean character)... why melodramaturns ur ever satiating sport when u turn 'Rakhi Sawant'...Why cant u respect and value, if something great is granted to u when u turn ‘Mrs. P. Patil’..(why were u found abusing the highest office of state)... why cant u accept being mother or grandma to urself (read-a girl child)..why cant u bear the sight of urself (read- daughter in law)...why cant u part with jealousy and suspicion u r always fired with...Why cant u stop nagging ur hubby for petty fancies of ur mind...why cant u even check ur 'munna' without charge of ur hubby...why do u think tears are the only way to get urself heard... why do u think carnal exhibition is only way to influence... why r u confused all time for ur own statements ....why sticking firm to ur words is not in ur business... why do u need to swear for every word u say........why fakeness and pretension are so deeply placed in ur blood...[ A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. ~Oscar Wilde...] why do u keep assuring that ‘never trust a lady’ stuff by ur activities....Why even simple things have to struggle a lot to penetrate ur big brain... why when placed in sarkari offices u find it difficult to gather ur composure n r often found throwing tantrums at clients for demanding little work or little information( which actually never crossed ur mind) amidst ur chitchat and telephonicconversations u cant live without...why when supposed to hold a little secret ur belly shrinks to zero, small enough to absorb the matter... why u sometimes think utter illogical as if u r challenged to do so...why flattering is one thing I cant xpect to get something out of u without.... But why ur docility evaporates all of a sudden when asked for a mass bunk and take long to be convinced amidst which the teacher comes... Well I hope a day comes when v understand u fully and u urself understand a lil bit of urself...

P.S. Plz don’t advocate some list of influential women or the sort.. For ‘Mercury’ is liquiddoesn mean Metals are liquid.

-krazy idiot

Friday, October 9, 2009

La pura mathematica!

Being an all time duffer at mathematics opting for non-med was no less than a blunder...Even trying my best I’d find it hard to filch single digits to my answer sheet which was always aureated with that elliptical figure standing alone or accompanied by another such sort depending on M.M.

Though my teacher ‘d never leave a chance to rag me for making it to my senses that how dumb I was, she was damn sexy and her expressions added every bit to it. Now u have surely a good reason to feel jealous as u wont ever hav such a bomb teacher for a subject like maths atleast..keep feeling jealous !!!

Just to prove me obtuse one day she asks me to explain some of simple laws of mathematics learnt so far. Like-

Transitive law

Associative law

Identity law

CPCTC

Recursion

Mathematical Induction

My frustrated answer sheet was like this- *[adding corrct answers in bracket]


1. Transitive law- Sahil loves Lavina but Lavina loves Vishal..So Sahil is a transitively gay and should give up on her. Come on Lavina. ( Sahil and Lavina my then classmates)

*[Transitive law- If A bears a relation to B and B bears the same relation to C. Then A bears it to C]


2. Associative law- Mam ! U staying with ur hubby n me looking for u is xactly equivalent to u staying with me and ur hubby looking for u.

*[Associative law- (a+b) + c = a + (b+c)]


3. Identity law- i know m intelligent n will remain intelligent even if u keep awarding me zero..
ukhad lo jo ukhad na hai’

*[identity law- a + 0 = a ]

4. CPCTC- This rule states that ‘Critical Parts of Cuties Tend to Charm

*[CPCTC- Given two congruent triangles- corresponding parts of congruent triangles are congruent]


5. Mathematical Induction- The rule proves - all girls love vishal

Take for n=1, Lavina loves Vishal.( ask her she will tell u)

Lets assume n girls love vishal

Testing case for n+1

n girls love vishal ( assumed)

lavina is next one girl..

hence proved

*[Mathematical Induction –

test the case for n=1

assume for n= n to be true

check for n= n+1


6.Recursion:

marks u award me at sheet= 1 + marks u decide to award me
marks u decide to award me = 1 + marks u award me at sheet
loop ends when u reach MM

I still wonder y she offered me zero evn after that.. :)

P.S. The post is just humour intended and writer is not supposed to claim authenticity of incident.

-krazy idiot

Thursday, October 1, 2009

WHO AM I??


Stupefied,
Wondering cosmic quest;
Senses baffled,
By temporal sham;
Light my way
What am I?
Who I am?
Illusory absolutes fade to dust,
Dimensions curved,
Eternity trussed,
Placebo to noesis cobwebs of lust,
Light my way
Soul so nonplussed;
Ephemeral fancies,
Emotional quagmire
Ethos credence,
Elusive powers,
Edify me, what I am?
Toasts of town,
In toasts of time
Are toast
Pronounced and pondered
The word is lost;
Enlightened schizo
The degage saints,
Spirit variegated
Gestates constraints,
Wavy essence intuits mind,
My thoughts commove
The world is blind;
Singularity fudged,
Biblical apple ethereal scam
Light my way
What am I?
Who I am?

Monday, September 28, 2009

O' Bird Where Will U Fly


O' bird where will u fly??
The day you breathed first to the day you die
The world lives through you, the world is thy
To the fancy parallel world of rain
For the land is dry, the sun insane
Fruity trees,a flowery monsoon delight
The grass is green at an hourly flight
Traversing rounds of distant inching miles
Fobbed to the mirage of smiling smiles
The food the water the air is rife
The canvas old, a new shade of life
For the love of yours the mate of soul
To the predestined your ethereal goal
To the spirited light or to the silent cry
Resolve to which u will die??
For the peace of heart in heart does lie
O' bird where will u fly??

Friday, September 25, 2009

DARRRR KE AAGEY JEET HAI!!!



In this era of mechanisation, one thing that still makes Us superior to the metal beings (bots) is The Human Emotion Stuff..and the strongest among these emotions is FEAR..FEAR ( Fucked Experiencing Act Response)...Thru d tongue of science its d release of some bloody chemicals...which turns heart into a leaping toad, lungs into convulsive maniacs, body skin into a Bisleri plant, over and above a 'fatt gyi' feeling. This natural instinct was probably set by god to promote our survival ..or we would b frens with dinasaurs and their existing relatives..OR... for its own survival.. for d devils, demons, satans wouldn bother humans enough to have angels!!

Dr. Weiss in his famous book- 'Many Lives Many Masters' expresses FEAR as imprints of mishaps in earlier lives of a soul...claiming authenticity to which Sharukh Khan found himself pyrophobic in a bollywood flick 'Om Shanti Om'...bt among the list of hundreds of phobias...many are just ridiculous enough to support the above theory... Lets have look on some of these-


  • CATaFORMaphobia-- well this is just a new phobia developed days back...a phobia of CAT forms...its about losing all ur senses at once and panicking for nothing...victims to this are cat aspirants...very strange responses are seen...notification of the cat forms in itself brought it to surface..a friend of mine who was preparing for the exam for atleast one yr comes totally flabbergasted, nervous, excited, dreaded,dumbfounded, high on her heels with her eyeballs struggling with her eye sockets and her both hands faning above her chest ..to make the divine revelation to her friends—'CAT kaaaaaaa formmmmmm reliiiiizzzze ho gya!!!!!'...haan toh theek hai madam...nahi hona tha kya?? ...this is wat u r preparing for..haina??? Just transformation of PBT format to CBT format gives shivers n shudders to future Indian managers nationwide...axis bank branches are like ration shops in drought hit areas...(Link) stampede, violence, tamaasha was all there for the fear of missing hot slots...first iims lacking a vision of the probable problems then comes media..to add to this, papers nationwide daily hitting panic- ‘Jara Si Asaavdhani Aurr...(arrey dimaag mt laga..wo nhi....ipill ki adv ni thi) 1400 rupaye paani mein....(cat vouchers for 1400/-) ....an error at click bars ur way to iims...amidst this some budhijeevs come up racking their brains to master the iims...with thoughts of multiple attendance buying different vouchers and applying for the best...others find a fear in that also to lose ranks to such crooks...are v all so dumb?? Or do v think iims wd present themselves before us as jumbo packs of stupidity...kya bhgwan! inko kuchh akal to de deta!!
  • KoKophobia- this is a conditioned phobia that dates generations back...victims are small children...evn I was wen I was a kid..Koko is something invisible, omnipresent, demonic and the sole reason for its existence is to take away our dear things...our toys, chocolates, candies, mama papa's personals(read- makeup items,mobile phones)..rather anything my mamma warned me not to play with was soon taken by koko... and This Koko doesn’t evn mind taking u too... if u don finish ur milk bottle in time, don like green veggies, don knw how to behave..and all... yaar koi koko ko le jaao..
  • Catagelophobia - a ridiculous phobia...a phobia of being called a pyjama or dhakkan..may god bless its victims with an elastic/ container... whatever..
  • Coprastasophobia- This is a temporary phobia...victim could b anybody subjected to previous night circumstances...m recollecting a sms joke..santa went to a party and stuffed himself with no. of naans...nxt day sittin in loo and praying--- rabba!! Ya toh naan nikal de, ya toh jaan nikal de... :) so now its quite identifiable..haina!!..its d fear of constipation :)
  • Dishabiliophobia- Fear of undressing in front of someone...this is a phobia thats rather losing its grip on people these days and some who have totally overpowered this fear are Mallika Sherawat, Kate winslet, madam Jolie....many youngsters don knw much of their own bodies then they do of Kate’s...( extending on this may put some of u low on comfort..so I end up here..)
  • Bathophobia ( a revised ablutophobia) – this phobia preys on hostellers especially boys...a hectic schedule, late night assignments (i hate this engineering), early classes leaving hardly any time for shower, ultra clean washrooms, never ending water supply and not to forget sexy DEOs help u a lot to identify with this fear...
  • Femophobia- ohh so u r a man of adventure.....speeding, bunjee jumping , roller costers, diving don’t increase ur pulse count...bt approaching a gal for date without wrecking ur nerves and those anxiety attacks is some thing next to impossible...i wish gals were a bit more sweeter n not such horror shows..
  • Oilophobia- a side branch of obesophobia...how many a time hav u thought of a girl for a snack time...bt to ur utter surprise u r hit by..‘ My god!! Kitna oiiiiiil hai’...this phobia is as rampant as ‘shaitan ki aant’...n if that oil by some miracle find way to their under throat...u cant escape that ‘mein motti lg rhi hu’ expression on their face every ten mins...
  • Bewajhafaltuphobia-- this phobia is seen in aged aunties and grannies..some mild convulsions of their eyes or hands or legs or anything they hav a got a list of ...excites their creative nerve and they are in imaginations and anticipations of ‘kuchh buraa hone wala hai’...and they are panicking like hell...and no... nothing wd ever pacify the matter, could ,rather,worsen if u tried to b smart bt ur full agreement, acceptance and followin the need of hour...
  • Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia- Fear of the number 666- if u happen to b hexakosioihexekontahexaphobic I suggest u not to look at address bar of this blog or just get lost before u get those anxiety attacks...
Wonder if this fear disappears totally..the world will take a totally differnt shade.....
9/11, 26/11 wont b any spcl dates...... ghosts, atmaas, chudails, saayas will die another death....
.....polymers -'d be put them to better use then just to make contraceptives........gabbar wont serve the sleeping pill tool by mothers....amusement parks with roller costers, ferris wheels deserted......kabristans wd serve cricket grounds for children......producers of draculas n mummys will starve to death.....adrenaline glands will turn vestigial organs...... bullying bosses will come up with humble requests( read- folded hands).....jyotishis n babas wd pack up their bags.......no more stunt manias, jungle se bachao fuss, fear factor drama.....bodyguards displaced by butiful female escorts......interviews ohh just kidding time... bungee jumping, rock climbing wont b anymore adventures......mountain dew wd need a new tagline..lock ups serving as sasuraals... chooha and billi lovers n soon either wd suffer extinction...death toll for humans wd b on all time high...Important thing is to some extent it is a necessity for survival... BUTT

Darrr ki 'Bhains Ki Taang' or 'Maa Ki Aankh' (d one u r more comfrtable with)...
.........Get a sip of Mountain Dew ...Darr Ke Aagey Jeet Hai !!!